Rachel Emerges Victorious! (Bananas Foster and Almond Champagne)

by janet on November 14th, 2006

To celebrate the viewing of the epic battle between Giada and Rachel, Teriyaki, Tapioca, and I made bananas foster to eat with almond champagne, which we had been waiting to open for a couple months now. I cut the bananas crookedly and the other two made everything else. We used (of course) Paula Deen’s recipe. The flambé looked gorgeous burning off the Meyer’s Rum, and the finished product was delicioso. Even a sweet-hater like me was all over it, and seconds, too.

The almond champage was delicious in a terrible way. SO sweet, with a hint of almond flavoring. This is the kind of alcohol that babies get into and drink the whole bottle of. We polished the champagne off really quickly (and today I have had the worst headache ever, yuck).

Iron Chef America: Flay/DeLaurentiis vs. Batali/Ray
Man, I totally called it, in writing, no less~! In the battle between Giada DeLaurentiis/Bobby Flay and Rachel Ray/Mario Batali on Iron Chef America, Team Ray/Batali totally kicked DeLaurentiis/Flay’s ass. In taste, plating, and originality, Rachel came out on top.

I can offer three explanations for this:

1. Giada’s stunning beauty made everyone jealous, therefore making the judges hate her and choose the less-threatening Rachel.


Waaaah waaaaah we have low self-esteem so we’ll take it out on you, Giada.

2. Rachel pulled the underdog card, making her the automatic favorite. She kept saying, “I’m not a chef, I just cook,” and “I’m here to conquer my fears because I’m not a chef.” OK, we fucking get it, you’re the underdog. Americans are suckers for underdogs. In fact, in the past I have often used the very example of Iron Chef America vs. Iron Chef Japan to highlight this fact. In Japan, where the “nail that sticks out is hammered down,” the Iron Chef always wins. In Iron Chef America, the challengers win a lot more often. I’ve also noticed that the original Japanese Iron Chefs that they select to rebroadcast here on the Food Network tend to lean towards the once-in-a-million challenger wins. So anyway, Rachel had to win by painting herself as the poor lil’ underdog.


Looks like Rachel, except cuter.

3. This is as closest ICA has ever gotten to pitting one Iron Chef against another. So if you construe this as a battle between Bobby Flay and Mario Batali, of course Mario would win. He’s way more knowledgable about food, and his shit always just looks SO~OO GOOD. Also, I once ate at Bobby Flay’s Mesa Grill at Caesar’s Palace (we were tricked into it by a richy rich friend who doesn’t understand the concept of money, and she was like, “Oh, you guys should go to Mesa Grill. It’s really cheap.” When we got there we realized it was not cheap. The opposite of cheap, actually.) and it was a terrible experience. First, the server smashed the water glass on the table, scattering shards of shattered glass all over my friend Finni, and then proceeded to just brush the glass off the table and NOT move us to another table. WTFOMG! I have never heard of such terrible service. He also gave us tons of attitude for not ordering an appetizer along with our entree. Then, when our friend ordered a quesadilla but asked for no meat on it, they said, “Actually, the quesadillas are pre-made so we can’t take the meat out.” WTFagain?!? Pre-made fucking quesadillas? Boo hiss Bobby Flay you suck.


Top right: The great Iron Chef Batali

Anyhoo, so if we take Giada and Rachel out of the equation, then it makes sense that Rachel would win. Wait, what? You know what I mean.

So who’s next? I would like to see a Paula Deen vs. Barefoot Contessa battle, or a Mark Summers vs. Al Roker battle, which starts out as a hosting battle and devolves into a big punching session (they could subtitle it OCD vs. Obesity). Yeah.

9 Responses to “Rachel Emerges Victorious! (Bananas Foster and Almond Champagne)”

  1. Simon says:

    first off i’m too lazy to change my name to say S/T or Simon/Teriyaki.

    Glad you liked bananas foster – really, if you had tried our first attempt back in our parents’ house months ago, you would have gotten drunk off of the rum that refused to burn off. (seriously though, shouldn’t 10 minutes of flambe-ing have been enough?) Even though Katinka is a hater because we included the pound cake, I think it all went together well.

    As for the champagne, it really was one of those things that you hate to love. It was so tasty, thus easy to keep drinking… which resulted in our respective headaches.

    Now on to the main attraction: the showdown. I’m going to say its a blend of your theories 1 and 2. As evidenced by tapioca’s and my comments on how Giada was wearing nice jeans and how we just wanted to see her taste the food, we were definitely appreciative at how good she looked while doing much more complex things that rachel ray did. I mean, Rachel Ray was flustered by stirring a curd for 15 min, while Giada busted out squash/cranberry ravioli and whatever those italian donuts were. Those judges were obviously haters from the beginning. You also forgot to mention how the Ray/Batali (or was it Batali with Ray as sous chef) side bribed the judges with a cranberry cocktail.

    But what’s done is done and Ray was the winner. If Giada needs some comfort… I’m a good listener and like to eat. I’m just saying.

  2. Finni (Ti-Finni) says:

    Yes, boo hiss Bobby Flay. Freaking Mesa Grill never again…and tell all your friends not to go either, especially if they’re vegetarian.

    Bobby Flay is just annoying. I can’t believe that Law & Order chic married his ass!

  3. [...] This post is especially timely as the executive chef is Jose Andres, who recently battled Bobby Flay on Iron Chef America. I TIVOed it but have not watched it yet, but I have now been to both Bobby’s and Chef Andres’ restaurants and if there is any justice in the world, Chef Andres should win. But, I’m biased, as I was treated badly at Bobby Flay’s Mesa Grill in the past (pre-made quesadillas, anyone?). [...]

  4. RayK says:

    If you other men just want to appear more macho because you like breasts, go right ahead. I, for one, am a little more particular about what types of breasts I like. Sagging…like Giada’s…not so much. Being a “breast man” doesn’t mean you’ll take anything, does it? Perhaps for you it does. I don’t really care much for breasts that hang to the belly button. But, go ahead if you like. We all have different tastes.

  5. [...] Debbie and I were almost KO-ed, but Sharisa and the Josephines got belligerent and forced us to go to Wilson Creek Winery of almond champagne fame, which if you remember I have blogged before. Throughout the day we kept hearing about the Almond Joy at Wilson Creek, which is chocolate port in a chocolate cup, mixed with the almond champagne. We ordered one each and the lady said, “That’ll be three dollars each.” And then she went away, and then came back and said, “Oh, wait, no, it’s TWO dollars each.” Weird but score! We first got a shot of the champagne, then a shot of the port, and then the almond joy. It was gimmicky but fun, not that I remember any of it. [...]

  6. Bootylicious says:

    Did you all even watch! Giada looked like a fish out of water and Rachael looked calm and professional.

    Giada was jumping around like a 4-year-old and mugging for the camera every minute. I was cringing. She couldn’t work a food processor and acted like a retard when she couldn’t get the water to boil. Bobby looked so pissed at her,I would have been too.

    I’m starting to believe my friends when they say she only got her show,because of her last name (which isn’t really her last name,her mother is a delaurentis,her father ?). No way can I see her as a chef and telling people what to do in a kitchen. Nope.

    Also Rachael took the critism of her food better than Giada,who looked like she was going to cry when someone badmouthed her food. Makes me wonder if her food is really that good, the way she always looks like she’s going to have an orgasm when she tastes her food. Of course,she is the only one tasting it.

    I didn’t like that Giada wore a chef jacket. It looked to me like she was trying to intimidate Rachael like “Ha,Ha, I’m a real chef and you’re not”. Like I said before,Rachael looked like the professional,Giada didn’t look like she knew what she was doing.

  7. [...] Bobby Flay is wack. I know this to be the case (see point #3 in this post). I re-confirmed this just this past month when he helped a chick (on one of the Food Network specials) make a special pomegranate sangria. He said the way to open a pom was to cut it in half and wack the back of it with a spoon. [...]

  8. [...] Flay is wack. I know this to be the case (see point #3 in this post). I re-confirmed this just this past month when he helped a chick (on one of the Food Network [...]

  9. [...] UPDATE: A fucking tie! Bah. I hate Bobby Flay, and this is why. [...]

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