Oh Nine Resolution VANQUISHED

by janet on January 5th, 2010

[Singing] Jaa-anet, FUCK YEAH!  So today was the test of my 2009 resolution to do a pull-up.  To be honest, I didn’t really work all that hard towards this goal until around September, when my trainer, David Morris, put me on the assisted pull-up machine and I said offhandedly that I wanted to be able to to an unassisted pull-up by 2010.  That made a fire light in his eyes and he vowed that it would happen.

Here’s the thing you need to know about David Morris.  He totally rules.  In four months, I lost an inch off my waist and am at 17.59% body fat – something six years of my teaching spin, kickboxing, step, Hollywood Trainer, strength training, and Krank had failed to do.  Every day is different when he trains me – capoeira drills, handstand pushups, Indian clubs, crescent slap kicks.  He is my gold-chain wearing therapist, comedian, father figure, and sensei all in one.  He’s beyond a black belt in a trillion different martial arts, and even though he is close to seven feet tall, he moves faster than anyone I know, and can do crazy yoga balance moves like crow into a handstand.  Awesome.

He also is full of weird information.  Topics that he’s enlightened me about in past sessions: motorcycles that have two wheels in the front instead of the back, prednisone, how to make friends, age of consent in different countries (Canada has the youngest, younger even than Thailand), the fact that Safeway was sold out of mineral water yesterday, grinding your own meat with antique meat grinders, people who piss in stairwells, Thai food, breakdancing.

He also has this habit of saying “-what” to elicit participation from whomever he’s talking to.  For example, he’ll say, “So this exercise is great because you feel it in your – what?” and I chirp “GLUTES!” and he says, “That’s right.”  Sometimes he doesn’t wait for you to answer, though, but it’s still the same thing.  “We’re gonna work hanging crunches so that you can improve strength in your – what?  That’s right.  Core muscles.”  This vocal tic gets even more random at times.  Just today – “Flax seed is great when you mix it in with – what?  That’s right.  Bisquick.”  My favorite one is “I want to stay healthy and strong so that when I get old I can – what?  That’s right.  Pick fruit from my fruit trees.”  WTF???  He makes me laugh so hard.

Anyway, he is now taking new clients, so if you are anywhere near the bay area, hit him up!

Oh, I forgot to even talk about the fact that I did in fact succeed in doing a pull-up.  Four, in fact.  Me = BAMF.

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