Simon’s Barf Bag

by janet on March 5th, 2007

We here at ConsumerMachine care just as much about food coming out as we do about it going in. I, for one, start my day off with a refreshing glassful of Metamucil, because I don’t know if you heard but being regular is really cool.

And, if food (or drink) needs to come out of your body the other way, that’s not as cool but sometimes inevitable. In fact, puking from drinking too much is a rite of passage into young adulthood. So when I found out that Simon had never barfed from drinking (at twenty three years of age!) I vowed to right this travesty and get him super drunk at his birthday party this weekend.

However, to show Simon how much I care, I also vowed to make his barfing experience as pleasant as possible. So I knitted him a personalized, reusable barf bag.

This model is sized to fit a gallon-sized zip-top bag. Just do your business, zip it up, dispose, and reuse. I knitted it out of baby alpaca yarn and it is incredibly soft. The label is made out of fabric I cut from these Tweety PJs I’ve had forever, and so it, too, is incredibly soft. The point is that after you puke, you can soothe yourself by snuggling with the bag like a baby blanket. Or, I guess you could keep the barf inside and it could turn into an inflatable, warm pillow. A stinky, inflatable, warm pillow.

From the user’s perspective.

I think Simon liked it because he wore it all night as a hat. The big question is: Did Simon end up barfing? We all tried pretty hard to make it happen but it didn’t happen. Boo.

Or should I say: Poo?

6 Responses to “Simon’s Barf Bag”

  1. sylvia says:

    THE TWEETY BOXERS!!! how sad!!!!! but appropriate, i think. i can’t believe i actually recognized the boxers before you mentioned them. i’m such a good sister, don’t u just feel the love?

  2. David says:

    It’s because we didn’t bust out the 151. It was hidden back there; he probably did that on purpose.

  3. Simon says:

    I resent the accusation that I hid the 151. I’ll have you know that when the night started, it was in the second row of drinks, right behind the Jager.

    How ironic is it that I almost puked this morning because of the unfamiliar feeling of wearing my retainers?

    Also, I’d like to state that I blacked out at least 2 hours of the party. I’m don’t recall doing more than half the drinks that dave said i did (according to the tallies on my arm, it was around 15 shots/drinks). to my recollection, i only did 3 shots. also, i had no idea i drunk dialed rob, until he posted on my wall. the new rule is to take away my phone at the beginning of the nite, before i do something stupid like call someone from work.

    lastly, i liked the barf bag so much that when i woke up and couldn’t find it, i spent half an hour looking for it (and it’s not like my apt is that big). you should be comforted that it was right next to my keys…

  4. janet says:

    Sylvia: I do feel the love! But… I was trying to hide the fact that they were boxers (note that I called them PJs) so that Simon wouldn’t be grossed out by snuggling against fabric that has touched my ass many nights for like ten years. But oh well, the jigg is up.

    David: You were too busy getting yourself super drunk.

    Simon: I forgot that you lost the bag at one point during the party. You ingrate.

  5. simon says:

    ass fabric. fantastic. i’ll still wear it on my head tho.

    i say party more often.

  6. […] Simon’s Barf Bag. Notable because: I knitted it. Notable quote: “I, for one, start my day off with a […]

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