I swallowed a moth fly

by janet on September 7th, 2010

Do you know about moth flies? They are not like regular flies. They are way smaller and with rounder wings. You’ve seen them before. They fly slow and they’re not that yucky so you probably tolerate them.

There was one in my new SmartCar (full name: Fergus SoCARtes [get it cuz it’s SMART like Socrates? Yes, that was an R2 suggestion] Panda II [Panda I was taken]). I was like o hai little fly and proceeded to open the window. But…Fergus has, for some weird reason a six CD changer and heated seats …but no power windows. So I was effortfully rolling down my window, and my panting created a vacuum, and the fly got sucked into my mouth.

I’m not squeamish, but I felt little struggling fly feet kicking at my esophagus which is the worst kind of tickle – internal.

So I was like !!!! and reached down into my lunch bag and opened my bag of carrots. I tremblingly threw one into my mouth and gave it three chews and swallowed (because bigger chunks would hopefully drag it down with it). Painfulsaurus Rex.

And…I STILL FELT THE KICK-KICKS! FUUUUUU! It must have gotten inhaled into my windpipe rather than properly down my esophagus. Damnitall.

Next: FORCED COUGHING! That did nothing.

So I sat and squirmed in horror for my 8-minute commute (the fly was surely dead by now but I felt it wriggling like this thing so I was in full-on heebie-jeebie mode) and when I got to work I ran to our kitchen and gulped down the most scalding coffee I had ever drank.

That did it.

PS. Moth flies are so called because they have hairs on their wings that make them look like moths shuddderrrr.

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