Apple Crisps

by janet on March 28th, 2008

Hiyo. I’m at a conference in San Diego with Saxy, and seeing her reminded me of these fucking Apple Crisp thingies. Saxy is like the drug pusher who gives you a little bit of crack for free, just to get you hooked. She introduced me to them, and ever since then I am so obsessed that I might not be above mashing them up and snorting them.

ANYWAY. Apple Crisps are dehydrated apples. Sounds gross. In fact, they are indeed gross, at least initially.

The 6 Steps of Eating an Apple Crisp:

1. “Is there anything IN this fucking bag? It weighs nothing. WTF.”
2. CHOMP
3. “What is this? This is crumbling unpleasantly, like crostini made from chalk. Yucko.”
4. “Que papas? Suddenly my mouth is FULL of flavor! Tart and sweet and tangy and sweet!”
5. “Wow, this has now re-hydrated in my mouth, so it tastes like apple, but intensely sweeter and more sour apple!”
6. “Give me more of that now now NOW!”

And you are hooked. Luckily Costco sells them in bulk (and yet, the box still feels like it weighs 0.005 ounces), and in this bulk box is also ASIAN PEAR! Surprisingly, though, the Asian pear is not as good as regular ol’ apple, because of the lack of tartness.

OK, g2g – I suddenly and coincidentally must find a straw or dollar bill after writing this post…

One Response to “Apple Crisps”

  1. Alan Smithee says:

    Yes! That’s exactly how I feel about these things. They are so nothing you feel like you burnt more calories chewing them than you got from eating them but the flavor is so addicting. They have lots of flavors at Whole Foods.

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