L.A. County Fair: Quest for Fryloaf

by janet on September 17th, 2006

On the menu:
Chili Cheese Fries
Turkey Leg
Honey Sticks
Dr. Bob’s Handcrafted Ice Cream
Roasted Corn
Deep-fried Twinkie with Strawberry Topping
Deep-fried Oreos
Krispy Kreme Chicken Sandwich
1/2 lb 12-inch Beef Dog
Goldfish Crackers
More Beer
Molly Maple Donut
Dill Pickle
Funnel Cake
Cotton Candy

I went to the L.A. County Fair on Saturday! It was my first fair experience ever! I had no idea what to expect. I only knew two facts: 1. James says there are two types of people in this world: people who go to fairs, and people who are not insane. 2. This chick I met at a birthday party said she went and witnessed a gang fight. That didn’t bode well for the fair, but I figured at the very least it would make for a good post, so I went. I went with not-James, obviously, and instead went with Simon and his older brother Seymour.

Well, first I had to go to the Cingular store to get cheap tickets. They were selling them for $9 as opposed to the weekend price of $15. Already running late, I leaped into the Cingular store and tried to find an employee to sell me the tickets. No such luck. The place only had two damn employees, and both of them were opening new phone accounts. Fuckers. The girl that was being helped in front of me wanted to take over her boyfriend’s cell phone account but also transfer her pager number onto the same phone. Yikes. Finally I had to bitchily step in and say, “UM, all I need to do is buy fair tickets. Can you squeeze me in?” and the dude called his manager and his manager helped me.

OK! Off to the 90, then the 10 East all the way. Not letting myself get discouraged by the traffic report (“10 East at Kellogg is JAMMED with people going to the county fair”) I turned the radio to NPR and jetted to Pomona in good ol’ Moxie. For the first time EVER since I bought Moxie on December 14th, 2004, I put my carpool lane stickers to good use. It was requisitely trafficky at Kellogg, and it was even slower than stop and go all the way from the Fairplex exit to the actual Fairplex. I think it took about 45 minutes from the freeway exit till I walked through Gate 17 into the fair. Parking = $8.

I met up with Simon and Seymour who I had kept waiting for maybe an hour (sorry guys!). We went through the gates and … it was like… Disneyland plus Las Vegas, but squeezed into a highly dense, overstimulating heaven that smelled like barbecue. Luckily, Simon has a super duper camera and documented our trip for us, thus you have some eye candy to use as milestones as you read this uber long post. In fact, fuck that. I’ll write this in chapters.

Chapter One: Fry loaf hunting, inedible cupcakes, and Nathan Lyons.

The first thing Simon said to me was”FRY LOAF!” Apparently he had seen a lady with a big ol’ loaf of french fries. So we went on a fryloaf search. We didn’t find one, but we did find a fry stand so we got a large order of chili cheese fries. Seymour got a gigantic turkey leg. The fry dude almost forgot to take my money, which would have been nice since the fries cost 7 bux and my Diet Coke cost $3.75! While eating our first feast of the day, we had a discussion of how low-income families (which I think make up 99.9% of the fair-going population) can afford to come to the fair when everything is so freaking expensive. Simon said the last time he was here was 4 years ago, and maybe low-income families save up and only come once every 4 years like him. I said maybe, and also I said that once every 4 years is probably the right interval for fair-attending. He said it’s funny that I already made that conclusion in my first 10 minutes at a fair.

Anyway, we happily munched on our fries and turkey leg. Even tho fry-man only gave us one scoop of cheese and one scoop of chili, even the fries at the very bottom were completely coated with delicious goop so I was happy. Simon got a raw fry in one forkful, which I actually was kind of jealous of. Doesn’t it sound good? Crunchiness surrounded by smooth chili and cheese? The turkey leg was delish as well, though sort of on the dry side (not moist like Disneyland’s) but good flavor.




Also before. 


…and after. We don’t mess around. 

Seymour lamented that we had missed Learn the Art of Making Homemade Beer (it was from 11 to noon) but I was excited to hit up Knit a Cupcake with Janice Rosema so we headed off in that direction. We passed the Budweiser Clydesdales (I didn’t look too closely because we were going to the livestock exhibits later and I didn’t want the novelty to wear off). I don’t know what I was expecting, but I was shocked to see the sheer number of booths that were selling stupid shit. It was like a garage sale, flea market, farmer’s market, and swap meet all mixed into one. I contemplated buying a spectacular Jesus portrait that had flashing lights coming out of it for my particularly Christian-ey friend Bex, but I decided against because I didn’t really want to encourage that kind of behavior.

Cupcake knitting was pretty anti-climactic. The cupcakes were cute but the knitting kits that she was selling were almost sold out, and the only ones she had left were the chocolate cupcake kits. Gross. Janice tried to tell me that the chocolate ones were cute but I said “NO!” and left, with Simon remarking that they looked more like bran muffins. In The Village on Broadway section we also caught Nathan Lyons, that annoying bald dude from The Next Food Network Star who thought he was hot shit. I wonder if he was sad that he was reduced to performing at the county fair. In any case, he was doing a cooking class and he wasn’t all over the top smiley like he was on the show, so I was disappointed.


Deliciously furry. 


Nathan hocks his fuyu persimmons. 

Onward! Simon said his camera was running out of batts (way to not charge it before you came, dummy) and so we headed to the most important photo opp, which was the “Agricultural Adventures’ area in Fairview Farms. I was SO EXCITED for this part, since my only goal at the fair was to milk a goat. I also anticipated cute baby farm animals and so I was practically skipping on my way there. Man, did they deliver. Head on to Chapter 2 for the cuteness crack.

6 Responses to “L.A. County Fair: Quest for Fryloaf”

  1. James says:

    The fair? Who goes to the fair? Come on!

    Actually, I admit that the fair has its draws, mostly outrageously unhealthy and health-code questionable food. But the whole parking fiasco and roving gangs and fact that seeing live animals does not make me coo the way you do results in the negatives outweighing the positives for me. I think if somebody airlifted me in for a few hours and then airlifted me out, I would dig it.

    At least I know you won’t try to get me to go for another 4 years.

  2. […] This is Chapter 2 of my trip to the L.A. County Fair. If you missed it, you should read Chapter 1: Fryloaf hunting, inedible cupcakes, and Nathan Lyons first. […]

  3. […] This is Chapter 3 of my trip to the L.A. County Fair. If you missed it, you should read Chapter 1: Fry loaf hunting, inedible cupcakes, and Nathan Lyons first and then Chapter 2: KO-ed by Kuteness. […]

  4. […] This is Chapter 4 of my trip to the L.A. County Fair. If you missed it, you should read Chapter 1: Fry loaf hunting, inedible cupcakes, and Nathan Lyons first and then Chapter 2: KO-ed by Kuteness, and Chapter 3: Drowning in a Deep-Fryer. […]

  5. […] This is Chapter 5 of my trip to the L.A. County Fair. If you missed it, you should read Chapter 1: Fry loaf hunting, inedible cupcakes, and Nathan Lyons first and then Chapter 2: KO-ed by Kuteness, and Chapter 3: Drowning in a Deep-Fryer and Chapter 4: Gold Medal Wine Tasting and Beer, Too. […]

  6. […] and (b) incredibly good for you. Simon says, and I agree, that Xooro is like voting or the LA County Fair – once every four years is […]

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