L.A. County Fair Chapter 2: KO-ed by Kuteness

by janet on September 18th, 2006

This is Chapter 2 of my trip to the L.A. County Fair. If you missed it, you should read Chapter 1: Fryloaf hunting, inedible cupcakes, and Nathan Lyons first.

We smelled Fairview Farms before we saw it. It wasn’t too bad, though, since little baby animals can only make shits that are so big. We stepped inside the Big Red Barn® (why the ®? I’m not sure), and first saw cute baby mountain goats who were diligently climbing up and down the small boulder that had been placed in their pen. Cute!

Ehn! I can climb every mountain!

Then we went to the “Sow Maternity Barn” and saw…ONE DAY OLD PIGLETS! OMGWTF! Everyone was dying from the insane cuteness. They were all suckling at momma pig and it made me weak-kneed with adorableness.

The “are you fucking serious me” shot of the day.

We saw some major fluffitude at the bunny exhibit. These were some majorly chilled out mofos. (Wow, that writing was so Cute Overload and Just a Little Guy at the same time.)

Snuggle with me!

Onto the baby chick exhibit. There were only 1-day old and 5-day old chicks, and the containers for 10-day old and 15-day old were empty. Seymour wondered if this was because the fair hasn’t been open long enough for the chicks to make it into the 10- and 15-day category, or whether it was because all the chicks die before they make it to 10 days. Good question.

No time to contemplate such matters, because up next was the AUSTRALIAN PUPPY EXHIBIT! The cuteness in here made me dizzy. It was like the piglets brought me to the brink of death, and then, a la Mortal Kombat, the voice from above said, “FINISH HER!” and they brought out the puppies to K.O. me. Particularly heart-wrenching was a fuzzy black lil’ guy who had sawdust all over him, especially on his butt. Siiiiigh.

In Simon’s words, this is the one we wanted to steal.

This guy was Cute McCutersons too.

I needed some skinshipA Japanese term for cuddling, especially between mother and baby. It’s a parenting practice, treated like vitamins, that is recommended by doctors, like, “Have you gotten in your skinship for today?” after all the oxytocin flooding through my body from the cuteness. So we went to the petting “zoo,” meaning the place where you could feed goats and two sheep. I shelled out a buck for some food and went into the petting area, which was clouded over with a thick haze of sawdust particles kicked up by a million kids running around. Cough cough. The goats in here were pretty cute, too. I shook out some feed into my hand and started feeding them. I was worried that they would chomp off my fingers, but instead they licked the food off my hand in a delightfully tickly way. One little dude got pretty aggressive and started stalking me, and when I didn’t give him enough food he got up and put his hooves on my chest. Ow.

Baaaaaad goat.

Next we half-heartedly walked around some other livestock exhibits. We saw Asian Water Buffalo, “meat goats,” and reaaally big pigs. No goat-milking though! What the hell with the false advertising? Luckily I had taken a staged shot at the petting zoo so as far as anyone was concerned, it would look like I had actually milked a goat. Don’t tell.

Me “milking” a goat.

Then we went to the honeybee exhibit (Simon warned me, “Remember that bees can smell fear!”) and picked up some honeysticks. We got the 5 for $1 deal and got two clovers, one apple, one lemon, and the last watermelon! Yahoo! I had the watermelon one and it was very tasty but it made me hit my sweet threshold so I couldn’t have anymore. I am having the clover one as I type this and it is delicious as well. It really does taste like the bottoms of the pink tubey petals of the clover flowers that I used to eat as a kid.

Sweet threshold hit, so I didn’t want any part of our next stop, which was Dr. Bob’s Handcrafted Ice Creams. Dr Bob is really a Dr. — he is a prof at Cal Poly Pomona, is some sort of famous, and his icecream is ranked in the Top 10 best ice creams in the world by National Geographic. Dr. Bob’s ice creams have at 16% or greater butterfat (that’s a good thing that they brag about) and he uses the finest ingredients, like Scharffen Berger chocolate. If you haven’t had Scharffen Berger, head to your local Trader Joe’s immediately to pick up a bar. Even a chocolate hater like me appreciates SB chocolate.

Anyway, apparently Simon is a maple nut nut so he got that, and Seymour got strawberry upon my urging. I had a tiny spoonful of both and I could see how people would love this shit. Verrrrry creamy without being cloying, and the luxuriously thick texture was the perfect vehicle to let the fine ingredients shine through. I don’t usually like nuts in my ice cream but with the maple flavoring I loved them. Seymour’s strawberry was my favorite of the two, just spectacularly fresh-tasting and delicious.

We then wandered into The Shopping Place which was hangar after hangar of booths selling all sorts of crazy shit. We stopped by a beef jerky booth (but were turned off by the 3 strips for $6 insanity), a margarita mix booth, a futon booth, a tortilla warmer booth, etc. It got boring pretty quick so we went into Winter Wonderland where it was snowing tiny soap bubbles. We tasted some soup samples (white cheddar asparagus sounds yummy but was icky once executed), looked at snowboards, and then came upon the ice skating rink! At first we thought everyone was on rollerblades but then we realized it was real ice! Pretty hard core, as Simon says.

Right here in SoCal!

Beyond the rink was sledding down a hill with real snow on it! I wished James was there because he has never seen snow. I think we would have stayed longer but they were blaring what sounded like a live show (because the singing was shitty and terribly off pitch) but was actually a recording. Ouch, my cochlea! We went out the doors and saw: nothingness. We had reached the end of the fair, which blew my mind. I said, “Wait, the fair isn’t infinite?” and Simon soberly said,”No, the fair is not infinite.”

continued in Chapter 3, where I overcome my sadness and get down to some serious eating.

4 Responses to “L.A. County Fair Chapter 2: KO-ed by Kuteness”

  1. simon says:

    The first thing I’d like to say is that you didn’t mention that right after our comments about the fair and its finite-ness, Seymour, with his massive observations skills said “wow, the fair is endless!” Way to go, seymour.

    Other notable moments of this chapter that went unposted:

    The same ravenous goat stalking you AND attempting to eat your skirt at the same time.

    The stubby goat that was wider than it was tall (tumor, pregnancy? it wouldn’t tell us, so we refused to feed it.)

    The fatty mcfatty rabbit (weighing in at a whopping 13 lbs!!) known as the Flemish Giant and the mini-me of rabbits the Dwarf Rabbit (a measly 3 lbs fully grown).

    I’m already anticipating chapter 3… and I was there to experience it.

  2. janet says:

    How could I forget about the goat trying to eat my skirt??? Thanks for the remind.

    Remember how I felt the stubby goat’s stomach, and I couldn’t even tell what it was? It didn’t feel like tumor but there wasn’t any kicking.

    Oh, Seymour, why you have no peripheral vision?

  3. carissa says:

    piglets AND deep-fried twinkies?! these posts are making me very jealous.

    have you seen these ads for the fair?

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