An Important Message on Safety

by Daniel on January 6th, 2009

Whoo hoo 2009! And as Janet’s shown, now is the perfect time to set some goals for the upcoming year. Whether your resolution is to stop eating the maple donut just because you think it looks lonely, or to actually talk to the cute girl at the coffee shop on the corner -at least so you don’t have to drink the horrible coffee just so you can see her, I’m asking you to add just one more: Always keep safety in mind.

Ok so I realize that’s a pretty broad subject that could apply to anything. But I’m not about to make this post about safe sex or making sure you wear your safety goggles while you work in the chem lab. Nope. This is about general safety in your general adventures and/or do-it-yourself shenanigans.

Example #1:
Safety while cutting. A while back I posted about my homemade solution to having a trendy bar scene going on at your very own sophisticated par-tay. And what could be more sophisticated than throwing your own inauguration ball/dance/prom? So after you pick up the requisite shrimp platter but before you start cutting the cardboard for your own Lit Bar Shelf (there needs to be a better name for that), keep this in mind:

OK so that wasn’t the worst picture, but you get the idea. That little number was done using a standard all-purpose scissor. I literally cut a chunk of my palm off. Hopefully now that you have that image seared into your brain (and if not, stare at it and think about what you would name it), you’ll always be sure to keep your body parts free of any harmful apparatus, because Hand does not equal Cardboard. If you plan on attempting any type of carpentry/craft(ery?)/knife work, perhaps you should invest in these:

This is totally a Psycho-style Knife Thrust Fail, but it clearly demonstrates the awesomeness that is a cut resistant glove. Can you imagine how bad things could have turned out if I had been drunk during that last project? Maybe I need to get some gloves.

Speaking of being drunk…

Example #2:
If you were to look in my desk drawer, you’d find two cardboard eye patches, one with a creepy blue eye drawn on to mismatch my brown one, and one that says “Don’t Peek!” While these things may somehow fit my career as a sometimes pirate, it is actually detrimental to my accounting work. So what’s the deal?

My friends know by now that sometimes when I over-partake of fine wines and strong spirits, I run into some issues with my eyes. Specifically, I have now on two occasions managed to scratch my cornea.

If you’ve never had this pleasure, let me just say that it feels like there is always something stuck in your eye and it makes your eye extremely sensitive to light. I had to turn off the lights in my office and spent most of the time crying from the pain my own computer screen caused me. Maybe this is just something that happens to me, but in the off-chance that there are others out there that suffer from this, I urge you to heed my warning after your inauguration party winds down and you head to bed. But be advised: I once had the presence of mind to remind myself I was drunk and shouldn’t take out my contacts. I failed anyway because I woke up the next morning missing the left contact anyway.

Lucky for me there’s a wikiHow on How to Remove Contact Lenses.

Anyway, now that we’re done with my display of undeniably fantastic motor skills, I have one last suggestion: If you’ve really got an itch to be extremely crafty and/or creative, but don’t have the knowledge nor materials to complete your idea, head over to You can either submit your own designs or ask an expert to help you out in creating whatever your overactive brain can think up.

Leave a Reply