So I think Janet and R2 are in Toledo, Spain right now (I deduced this from R2’s facebook status: “Holy Toledo”). Â While she has been nomming away on delicious ham and canned seafood, I have been enjoying my summer vacation since I finished my first year of law school two weeks ago! Â Last time I had a vacation was spring break in March, during which I went up to SF to visit Janet for a few days. Â Best spring break evar!! Â R2 kept taking us out to dinner and drinks and awesome times and we got a tour of Lucasfilm and we went to the Exploratorium and what can beat all that?!?!1! Â Maybe I should have been studying. Â Oh well.
Anyway… during that trip we went to Sauce(!) before seeing The Little Mermaid at the SF Ballet.  I was hyped up for this meal since Janet kept talking it up and I looked it up on my handy Yelp! iPhone app and it got good reviews (currently 3.5 stars).  And let me tell you, it did not disappoint!  I guess the food genre is re-imagined American classics–oh so clever–but it really was quite delicious.  When we sat down, R2 promptly said “I like girly drinks, any suggestions?” to the waiter, who half-giggled and suggested the pink lemonade: muddled lemon, cranberry, and Ketel citroen. I had the Elderflower Kiss: St. Germain, Belvedere, and Prosecco! Yum!!  We promptly got drunk from these delightful libations, which might explain how much we ate.
We started off with a few of their “social plates:” Â scallops wrapped in bacon on a bed of Brussels sprouts with balsamic bacon tomato sauce (pictured top); portobello mushroom fries with fat boy ranch dipping sauce; and the daily slider, which that day was a ham and cheese slider.
I swear I’m not a pile of turds!
Oh.Em.Gee. Â The portobello fries. Â Holy craptastic happiness in my mouth. Â If you look at the picture, they don’t look like anything special–in fact, they kind of look like someone who ate corn just took a dump. Â But they were so much more than a good poo. Â They had this crispy, herbacious breading that somehow managed to be airy and substantial at the same time. Â Portobellos are meaty by nature, but these were juicy and toothsome and the perfect contrast to the crispy coating. Â However, the scene-stealer was the RANCH! Â I know, right?? Â I am a believer in Hidden Valley Ranch. Â Only two house-made ranches have ever beaten its flavor for me: Hole in the Wall in Santa Monica because they put dill in their ranch and I adore dill; and THIS ONE!! Â Oh man. Â It was so good that when they took the empty plate after we devoured the fries I think I squeaked out “Wait!!” and grabbed the ranch to put it on the sliders. Â And everything else.
Tiny breadnom, huge tub o’ butter.
Oh yeah, sliders and scallops. Â Forgot about those. Â The scallops were awesome, duh. Â They had bacon around them. Â And the sliders were also good, with thick-sliced ham, melty cheddar, and mustard on the rolls they gave us at the beginning. Â Oh wait! Â I forgot to mention the breadnom too! Â Cute little round-topped rolls that were so promising, but sadly were cold and thus no fun on their own. Â Good as a slider though.
On to the entrees! Â Janet had the baked mac & cheese: David’s old world ham and ham hock, Tillamook cheddar and four cheese cream sauce, served with green beans and bacon. Bacon seems to have been a theme to this dinner. Â No wonder everything was so tasty. Â I only had a few bites as I tend to have adverse reactions to creamy mac n’ cheese (sad times for me, since cheese is like my favorite food ever) and I didn’t want to be in the bathroom during the ballet. Â But the bites I did have were quite delightful, though nothing super memorable.
I only had one bite of R2’s meal: cornmeal crusted Hawaiian butterfish with cauliflower and whipped potato puree, brussels sprouts leaves, and caramelized red onion salad. My bite was of the cauliflower puree, and it was gooood. Â I love anything mixed with potatoes. Â I didn’t try the butterfish, both because Janet ate most of it and I play favorites– Roy’s misoyaki butterfish will always have a special place in my heart.
My entree was the braised boneless beef short rib “pot roast” with roasted rainbow carrots, yukon gold potatoes, shallot & garlic, finished with fresh herbs, peeled baby roma tomatoes, and pan demi gloss gravy. Pretty fancy description for what was basically a large hunk of short rib on a pile of veggies. Â Nonetheless, it was pretty awesome, though I prefer my short ribs melty and not quite as stringy.
Besides the mushroom fries, though, the highlight of the meal was dessert. Â I am a dessert fiend, so of course I went ahead and ordered the Sauce sampler: PB&J cake, cinnamon sugar donuts, strawberries, and cream, and ice cream smash. I never realized how delicious PB&J can be when it’s sandwiched between vanilla pound cake and ice cream. Â Also, the donuts! Â Light, airy, melt-in-your-mouth, with the most amazing vanilla bourbon dipping sauce. Even after 3 appetizers, 3 entrees, and Janet’s aversion to dessert, we still decimated the plate. Â High fives all around. Â Good job, Sauce, you were awesome.
So then we walked 4 blocks (I think) in the bitter-freezing-icy-cold wind to the Opera House, just in time for the Little Mermaid: CREEPIEST BALLET EVER. Â It was originally commissioned by the Royal Danish Ballet to be performed for the Queen in celebration of Hans Christian Andersen’s birthday. Â If I were the queen, I would be like “What the fuck Hans Christian Andersen? Â Why did you write such fucked-up stories?” Â In the real fairy tale, the Little Mermaid doesn’t get the guy–instead, he marries someone else, and at the end she turns into “airy mist” and will eventually get to heaven. Â So, she learns that unrequited love sucks, and she’s basically stuck in purgatory watching her prince be happy with someone else. Â Awesome story, dude.
I’m sure you can imagine how horribly tragic that would be if performed in pretty tutus like a classic ballet, but then throw in a modern composer and choreographer and you get this:
I’m pasty white because I live in the ocean.
Scary Asian ballerina who does freaky arm movements and flaps around in her large pillowcases/pants/”fins.” Â The music was also creeptastic–very eerie and clashy, with only a few major chords to ease the tension. Â I mean, yeah, I enjoyed the dancing because it was artistic and cool, but this probably wasn’t the best ballet to pop my profesh ballet cherry. Â There were only a few moments of pretty pointe shoes, and the rest was angry jumping and spasming. Â Sighs. Â Next time, we’re seeing something classic like Swan Lake.
Sauce
131 Gough St.
San Francisco, CA 94102
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SF Ballet
Tickets available at sfballet.org
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