Posts Tagged ‘Top 10’

Favorite 10 Posts of 2009

Thursday, December 31st, 2009

1. Bazaar gets 4 stars~* Because the pictures are pretty, and there are a lot of them.

2. The evolution of my animal photography skillz~* Because our darling hammie Cheeto died [RIP<3] on December 28th, and this is how I want to remember her – all piratey-eyed.

3. Four Winds II: Snorkeling in Molokini~* Because I enjoy mild sexual harassment.

4. The many uses of Otter Pops~* Because this was a joint venture between me and Daniel, and represents my happiest 5 consecutive days in 2009.

5. Pole Dancing Aerobics~* Because it had the most “likes” of my imported notes on Facebook.

6. icanhascheezburger launch party~* Because every time I look at my Top 5 lolcats I lol.

7. My CSA box~* Because this fucking post took an inordinately long amount of time to execute.

8. Bibleopoloy~* Because I was able to play it without bursting into flames.

9. Fleur de Lys~* Because it was the foodiest meal of 2009.

10. Victoria’s C-Face~* Because no other posts from 2009 are worthy of being on a Top 10 list, here’s one from 2006 that people seem to like a lot – an expose chronicling the time I spent working at a certain lingerie hocker.

Top 10 Posts of 2008~*

Wednesday, December 31st, 2008


Happy New Year’s Eve!

I was thinking back to a NYE a couple years ago, when my ex-ex took me to Beaver, Colorado. That trip was notable for two reasons. (1) Him screaming, every five minutes or so, “THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND’S FIRST NEW YEARS EVE IN AMERICAAAA!” and thereby making me feel maximally Fresh-Off-Boatey, when all he meant was that I was excited to party because I had spent most of my New Years Eves in Tokyo, watching TV while eating mikans with my grandpa. (2) We bought all of our liquor at Beaver Liquor.

Anyway, 2008 was an eventful year. ConsumerMachine and I parted ways; I joined with Simon/Daniel to birth MTFB, my Obama Mama T-Shirt was not worn in vain (woot!), and I had my first foie gras wrapped in cotton candy. (Oh, did I not post about that yet? Well, you better come back in 2009 to read all about it.)

Here are ten of my favorite posts, in chronological order except backwards within month {clarity fail].


Post: Poo Peeps
It took away my homemade marshmallow virginity. You haven’t had your virginity taken away by a marshmallow? It’s very soft and gentle; guaranteed to be better than when you lost (or will lose) your actual virginity.



Post: National Aquarium in Baltimore
I got over my frog phobia and my Cheeto bereavement.


Post: Hot Pot & $10 Massages
$10 massages are clearly, clearly noteworthy, especially when delivered lovingly by a middle-aged super Chinese dude named…Andy. Oh, and FEET TEA!


Post: The Night I Almost Died
A fucking SALAD did me in.



Post: Lucid
My first foray into “absinthe” which had the flavor of epic fail.



Post: E Tutto Qua
It was just one of those nights where the occasion, company, food, and service came together to create happi.



Post: Sugar Butter [giggle]
It wins Most Controversial post of 2008. I don’t think I ever told you about it. The bride, who didn’t even know my name, somehow found the post and bitched Dr. Z out. I think my treatment of her wedding was very kind, so I’m not sure where she gets off freaking out about an identity-protected post about a random wedding guest, but whatevs. Just realized that maybe writing this is not going to help Dr. Z-bride relations, but god help her if she is STILL checking my blog six months later…






Post: Shimi’s Wedding Cake
This post wins Most Labor Intensive post of the year, both in actual execution of the food item in question and the post itself. Also, it’s my crowning achievement of 2008.



Post: Taste of Santa Monica 2008
It was the most food I had in one sitting in all of 2008, and included wings from Hooters as well as foie gras. All in all, a fabulous day.



Post: Lot Lizards and Urine Pots
Wins Most Surreal Experience award of 2008, and of course makes it into the Top 10 for including the fun topic of pissing on hookers.

Thanks for reading!  Now go out to somewhere within walking distance and get drunk!

Top 10 Posts of 2007

Monday, December 31st, 2007



I feel like I *just* got used to writing “2007” on stuff, and now here I am, trying to figure out which 10 posts were my favorite from this year.

’07 was my first full year of blogging. Let’s see how I did… You know, Oprah says a marriage can’t survive unless you have sex 200 times a year. If that carries over to blogdom, we’re in trouble. We’re short exactly 69 posts…perhaps the universe is trying to tell me something.

Here are my favorite posts of this year, in reverse-alphabetical order:

1. Temecula Wineries.
Notable because: We drank wine out of chocolate shot glasses and I got the worst headache of my life – a migraine in both sides of my head.
Notable quote: “We woke up two hours later. Debbie said, ‘You two look so sexy lounging around in bed in bikinis.'”


2. Taste of Santa Monica Festival.
Notable because: It’s basically at 38-course tasting menu.
Notable quote: “I was spinning and nauseous and couldn’t decide if I wanted death or my bed.”


3. Takao.
Notable because: It was my favorite meal of 2007.
Notable quote: “Oh, shit. When the fish slid down my throat and coated it with the creamy smooth fish fat, it was amazing!”




4. Take 5.
Notable because: It was the most surreal encounter I had in 2007.
Notable quote: “I laughed weakly (though, ironically, when I think about it now I laugh for reals, ROFL style) and walked slowly out the door with my Take 5s.”


5. Simon’s Barf Bag.
Notable because: I knitted it.
Notable quote: “I, for one, start my day off with a refreshing glassful of Metamucil, because I don’t know if you heard but being regular is really cool.”




6. Shiru-bay.
Notable because: Maybe this was my favorite meal of 2007? I can’t decide!
Notable quote: “Like, we say “sea urchin roe” but it’s not the eggs; rather, it’s the gonads and and other organs.”


7. I adopted a Manatee! (and subsequently got him in stuffed animal format!)
Notable because: My manatee’s name is Deep Dent because he has a huge motorboat dent on his back.
Notable quote: “He is tiny and soft and fuzzy and shaped and sized just like a hamburger; makes it all the more difficult to resist eating him.”


8. Hilly-Billy Wedding.
Notable because: In all ways.
Notable quote: “In fact, the mother of the bride (the MOB was also the matron of honor because, as the bride said, “My momma is my best friend,” which is very hillbilly but really adorable) had to walk down the aisle twice, once with the bride’s true father and once with the bride’s stepfather (her third husband).”


9. Fondant Partaaay.
Notable because: of Esmerelda, you know?
Notable quote: “Shit, man. Fondant is easy. If even Esmerelda the Clumsytron could do it and make a living from it, I certainly could bang out a gorgeous cake for Shimi.”


10. Chocobeer.
Notable because: I let Simon choose one of the Top 10 and this is what he chose.
Notable quote: “Oregonians. There isn’t much to do up there, and so every Oregonian I have met has been a crazy mutant champion bowler.”


I hope 2007 was amazing for you all, and thanks for reading. Catch you in 2008!



2006: Top Ten ConsumerMachine Posts

Monday, January 1st, 2007

[In Borat voice] “Wowie wow!” It’s 2007! Time to look back on CM’s favorite posts of last year. In kind-of-reverse-chronological-order:

Opus. The best meal of the year (perhaps my life) certainly deserves a spot at the top of this list.

Pinkberry. Notable excerpt: “In fact, this night ended with DJ Deer holding up his yogurt into the air and shouting, ‘Anyone want some fish yogurt? Anyone?'”

Vodka Gummy Worms. People seemed very disgusted with this picture, which is appropriate since people tend to be very disgusted when they eat the actual thing as well.

Olympic Spa: Supah Spa. Nothing like getting your crotch scraped down by a middle-aged Korean mama in black lingerie. Also nothing like a heated floor made especially for napping!

My five-part series on my shenanigans at the LA County Fair. I ate eighteen different dishes, sampled five different wines and six different beers, and saw some of the cutest lil’ piglets and puppies. What a banner day.

Neckface: The Night After Halloween. James’ review and photos of Neckface’s exhibit at the New Image Art Gallery. Featured: monsters in tighty whiteys that were, ironically, black, and monster fetuses hanging by their necks.

Victoria’s C-face. An expose of the time I spent working at a certain ubiquitous lingerie store. Highlighted: customers on crack who stole stuff; credit card conspiracies; mind-numbing panty tables.

Skittles Watch 2006: Death of Cheeto. The story of the beloved fish Skittles, rescued from the LA County Fair. Relive the saga of the death of Cheeto, the building of Skittles’ new home, and the dreaded BLACK SMUDGE!

Social (Hollywood): Kobe Sliders. James’ favorite burgers (so far) on his burger quest! These little sliders were absolute things of beauty; perfectly crafted and utterly delicious. Nicely done.

iMac Core Duo Video Problems (aka the Front Row problem). The post that started it all. Also the most famous post on CM ever, garnering all sorts of attention on the interweb. I’m sure people following links to our site now are mighty confused.

Thank you to everyone for reading CM last year, and thanks for commenting. Cheers to many happy and delicious meals in the year ahead!